Cry Baby

I suffered from glassy eyes at the Anzac Day parade. I weep at anything remotely sad/emotional on T.V. I just blubbed about five times during an episode of Parenthood (such a good show/series by the way if you haven't caught it yet.) I'm a blubbing mess. I reckon I could easily have tears spilling down my cheeks for most of the day if I let rip. They aren't tears of sadness though. Funny, happy, emotional, I dont know why the hell but I will call them pregnancy tears. Some would say hormonal tears, I like to think of them as my private tears of wonder. The wonder of it all.....

Cry Baby

My Blog for The Gallery

I mainly write about the adventures of motherhood, family life, being a stay at home mum and some other random musings. I started this blog to stop my brain from turning to complete mush. It is a constant worry of mine and I don't fancy Sudoko. I'n not particularly technical so there is no fancy bloggy stuff here just some words and images. I love my life especially my family and cant believe my luck every day. In saying that, I love a good moan too. Who doesn't it? Positivity is all well and good but if you cant get it off your chest, you are in trouble. Happy reading and writing people x

My Blog for The Gallery

im back

Quite frankly, I have had no desire to write anything for quite some time. I am blaming the first trimester of pregnancy for that one. Its been a wee bit of a struggle, that combined with a head full of thoughts and things to do before emigrating back across the globe. I have watched the house descend into a pigsty most days with no energy to do anything about it! In fact I have felt like quite a lazy slob until today. I feel the life might be coming back to me. I did not feel like taking a nap all day! Its 8:40pm and I'm not asleep!! Progress indeed. I can actually think about packing stuff up, cooking and making some playdates for the holidays. Oh and mabye writing a bit more...

im back

Big Daddy

Mmmm, I'm making red thai curry and it smells soo good! The last two nights have felt like such a treat for me because Big Daddy has actually been able to take off a couple of nights. That's the reason for the nice smell. I actually have an excuse to cook some tasty grown up food as opposed to food for two young in's and one adult. Big D is a chef and so his working norm is 5 nights (and days!) a week, which let me tell you - IS LONELY. People without kids probably wouldn't get that as much as those with kids who know that means you are stuck in, home alone five nights a week. I don't want to moan though because Big Daddy does loads to help whenever he can and is an awesome dad/husband/person. I am ridiculously blessed. Thank you. Still, I'm going to enjoy his company tonight - my best friend. xxxx

Big Daddy

Respect?

I was informed of a particularly nasty comment that some dickhead that I know, but thankfully is not part of my life, passed about me today!!! Its quite hilarious really but also a disappointing, sad reflection of a lot of people's real attitudes towards stay at home mums. The comment went something like this (said in a public place, to a friend of mine) 'its a shame Anna doesn't work and the burden all falls on Theo.' I mean part of me thinks, what a joke, dont even worry about it and the other part thinks- F#c* that!!!!!!

As all you lovely mums know, you can never understand how unbelievably hard motherhood can be until you are in the thick of it. Being a stay at homer is something that should be encouraged if that is what the mother wants to do and RESPECTED for what it damn well is. A full time freakin job where you don't ever sign off - NOT FOR A SECOND. As someone who initially went back to work part time with a young child and then a year later committed to staying at home full time with two young children, I can tell you which has been the hardest work.

When you have young children, they require full time care. FACT. We make choices to do most of it ourselves or some of it ourselves and outsource the rest. Neither option is more valid than the other. Its a personal choice that each family/mother will make. Both choices should be respected by everyone. Why should paying someone else to look after your kids be the more honorable option.

In the last year, I starting doing some shifts in my husband's business. A personal choice for me. Its not to add to a supermum status or to get more respect. Sadly, I feel that a lot of people do respect the mother who is there for her kids but also manages to bust a gut sneaking in some 'paid' work here or there. SAD SAD SAD. It brings out the hardcore feminist in me. Mabye I will go shave my head in protest!!! 

Respect?

australia

Our sunny coasts have been battered and bruised to say the least since 2011 came rolling in. A couple of nights ago I watched a documentary on the infamous Victorian bushfires of two years ago. I was in awe of those people. It wasn't just property and some lost lives. Whole communities were wiped out in 24 hours. Yet.....the Australian spirit has to be admired. People literally picked up the pieces of their broken lives and got on with it. When faced with the most extreme weather and natural disasters, Australians rally round in such support of each other and these past few weeks have been testament to that.

And so Australia never fails to fascinate me. It is stunning, beautiful, life threatening and powerful all at once. Just like a charming young man who you know is probably dangerous, Australia woos you and doesn't ever let you go. I realise this now. Nine years ago when I first stepped on these shores to enjoy a year of travelling. I was naive and impressionable. Australia stamped hard on my heart and left an imprint that has left me torn in two. Divided by a love for my mother country and this fascinating place forever. 'Thats quite right hen, get it out your system while you're young,' they said. I was supposed to leave this country behind and return to the fold with fond memories and a few tales to tell the grandkids. I fell hard, in love with a man and in love with this land. 

'No worries mate.' I am in awe of you Aussies and your unbelievable strength, your acceptance, spirit and life. I am a Scottish lass through and through but part of me will always be here x

australia

On being green.......

Well, honestly, the green thing is not making great progress. I am still switching the T.V off at night! I also purchased 'Earth Choice' cleaner for the floors. Seeing as I am far from being a clean freak and not particularly obsessesd with germs, I reckon I will be fine with this. I suspect a bottle of hardcore chemicals will, however, remain in the corner of our house for certain times when the 'eco' stuff doesn't cut it. Also, seeing as I don't clean very often, I don't think it will be too detrimental to the household budget. Mmmm, what else?

In Australia, we are sooooo lucky to have an enormous selection of wonderful local fruit and veg. It would be a sin to buy anything from outside the country as there  is really no need. Hopefully, then our fruit and veg is relatively fairly traded. I am steering clearing of the supermarkets though when buying fruit and veg as I reckon the local farmers are much more likely to get a fair price at the local market or local shops. Lets face it, the giant supermarkets screw the farmers on a regular basis. I am not quite anti supermarket but when I can easily get my fruit/vegies locally - its a no brainer. I've got a few vegies struggling in the garden but nothing particularly appetising. Just some seriously deformed stumpy carrots! Organic. Tricky this. Not a whole lot of organic stuff available where we are. I figure local is more important to me and organic comes second according to availability.

I am attempting to wade my way through our cupboards and low and behold actually use the food thats there instead of always buying new stuff. The veggie drawer in the fridge is looking a bit more loved as I am trying to not let things just rot and actually use them instead - wasting less food. Oh this is not my fridge by the way, its what I aspire to! Wasting fresh food is a hard habit to break but I have definitely been saving money. Always an incentive. So no major changes. I haven't moved into a hippie commune or stopped washing but Rome wasn't built in day.....

On being green.......

Resolutions

So, here we are, relaxed and ready for 2011. We had a fabulous holiday, filled with sun, relaxation and beaches. Too good. Now, I am very begrudgingly and slowly easing myself back into normality. I have also made a resolution for 2011! Inspired by a book, 'A Life Stripped Bare', I have resolved to think more thoughtfully of the planet and all its inhabitants this year. A grand sounding gesture. I am loathed to use the words ethical or organic as they have earned such righteous connotations; white middle class words that seem to feed that superiority complex. They usually, after all, go hand in hand with affordability. I remember buying organic fruit for big M when she was a baby and getting us, already buggered adults, the normal chemical covered ones. Going 'organic' and 'planet friendly' often means paying a hell of a lot more for what? However, I think that sentiment is a big cop out. For a while now, I have wanted to live in a less consuming way which should mean spending less on unecessary stuff. In short, I feel guilty, wasteful, neglectful and apathetic towards this plant and its limited resources most of the time. This girl is gonna stop being lazy and make a little effort at doing her bit for our lovely earth. Don't worry, I am far from being in any way a greenie do-good er condemning all four wheel drivers (although, that is a little pet hate of mine - sorry!) Instead, I am taking baby steps, nothing too shocking. I started turning off the T.V etc at night. Why bother? I hear you cry. I know, I know, it sounds so feeble. Apparently if everyone living in the UK did this, it would be enough to turn off three power stations. Soooo, I'm gonna do it!! Not turn off three power stations- just ma T.V! There are a gazillion little things that we can do like that. They all inevitably add up to making a difference and being less wasteful. I'm thinking, if I stick to this resolution it might lead to a whole other blog. There is, unfortunately, no way that we can live completely 'ethically' in the current Western world, however, this year, if I can live just a little less wastefully than in 2010, then I've lived a better year than the last. Thats worth trying....

Resolutions

The Past/Present/Future

2010:
 

Big M Started pre-school 2 days a week! I was pretty worried that first day. She can be a timid sort and takes a while to warm up to new situations/people - a bit like her old mum I suppose. In the end I was ridiculously pleased, relieved and proud to see her walk in with confidence; no tears, no drama. Calm down Mum, I can totally handle this!! And so she could. Another lesson learned - don't under estimate the little ones. The force is strong in them.

Big Daddy took a massive risk and went into business with his brothers. It has more than paid off. They still talk to each other and we have money! The downside - it takes up five nights a week. Lonely times for moi. I have coped really well and have enjoyed all the movies and starting my blog! In saying that, the husband working most nights is definitely not in the grand plan! We have, however, managed to free ourselves from a heavy burden of debt. I am now a firm believer that credit cards are pure evil and not one shall find themselves a welcome spot in our hard working wallets again.

My best friend left Sydney and left me almost friendless again. Its been hard coping without your really good, long-term friends and my time in Australia has hammered home how important my friends are and how much I miss them. Making new friends is great but can be really exhausting. Starting from scratch, no shared history, sometimes you just want to reminisce over a few. You know, remember when? Still in 2010 I have made good friends with several new people, so hears to new adventures...

I started working again!! Only a couple of wee shifts for Big Daddy but oh my goodness, I love it!! After being at home full time for two years, it has been a welcome escape into adult world and not too strenuous.

Two of my brothers got married on the other side of the world and unfortunately, I couldn't attend. That was hard and is just a wee reminder of how much it sucks having two amazing families but on opposite sides of the world. On the positive - we have two large amazing families!!!

My beautiful little sister and my little, much younger brother came from across the globe to stay with us for six weeks. We had a ball. I miss them so much.

The devastating news that one of my best friends, aged 31 has been diagnosed with cancer. A bolt from the blue which knocked me off my feet for a while. In true form she is being completely amazing. What an inspiration. Good luck my little mate. Thinking of you always x

And so to 2011, its going to be an emotional year, I think. Some hard goodbyes and long awaited reunions. We are planning to move the family back to the UK in the middle of the year. Big M will start at primary school full time and who knows, God willing, maybe we could muster up the courage to try for no 3???!! Phew, I'm making myself tired thinking about it all. First up we have a road trip. Our first proper family holiday in Australia to beautiful, calm, (hopefully sunny) Port Stephens. Summer holidays!!!!

The Past/Present/Future

Brain Drain

I am wasted. Unfortunately it's not due to drink. My brain is refusing to go into fourth gear, its stuck in mabye second or third. To all intense purposes I look normal but, underneath the facade, the wiring needs a good overhaul. You see mushy brain went like this today; forgot my pin number in a shop (yes, I was only just blogging about that and it actually happened.) This led to pleading nice patient girl in bank to let me have some money, which I duly signed for only to realise that the particular bank card I was using is still in my maiden name!!!! (That is a whole other story which is too boring to recall.) Luckily, nice, patient, 'just learning' wee bank lassie didn't notice that I had completely signed the wrong name so I took the money and scampered. The whole reason I needed the money in the first place was to buy Big M's three lovely pre-school teachers a pressie in time for school finishing in 15 mins!! Once again I had forgotten to do this previously. Of course, once we were all back home completing the witching hour, it dawned on me that I actually need another four, yes four pressies for Little E's occasional care teachers - tomorrow!!! Grrrr. Its all my brains fault, not me.  I also lost my phone - again and now have no numbers and no idea what time Big M's dress rehearsal starts tomorrow. I am currently drowning in fuzziness. The ideas and actions don't seem to be linking and all the espresso in the world is not helping. I am choking my way through the breaststroke whilst everyone else seems to be gliding past in the fast lane. Foggy, hazy brain please get in gear so I can make it to Christmas day and ease the pain of said loss of apparent brain function with lots of wine......

Brain Drain

Gym

Just been to the gym, being the ultra sexy super mum that I am. I actually have to put a bit of work in to maintaining this yummy mummy body of mine. Lol, sorry was daydreaming there. Back to reality, I hadn't seen that gym/torture chamber place for a fortnight and I have generally had the 'I'm totally over it' feeling. I dragged my sorry ass out today, oh and speaking of asses, mine was swinging like a church bell because I bravely wore shorts for the first time in quite a while. Yes, the short wearing feels really different from wearing the Lycra 3/4 training pants. They kind of hold things in, but these shorts.... I could feel gravity pulling that ass of mine. Bugger off gravity! I actually thought it might fall out completely. Its not fair, most people worry about their boobs falling out, but seeing as little E reduced mine to empty socks after a year of breastfeeding, I need never have that particular concern. Anyway, the whole point of the post was to say that I feel great for going to the gym. Really, my brain feels like its whirring a bit faster. I had been worrying that perhaps it had almost stopped entirely after being unable to recall my children's dates of births when asked the other day. Oh and I still have a slight panic every time I have to put my pin number in - just in case I can't remember it -that has happened. Now, unfortunately it's time to exercise the housekeeping muscles....

Gym

Motherhood

Smiles, tears, joy, pain, intensity, the unexpected, amazement, purpose, meaning, alive, unbelievable love, belonging, home. I love being mummy. Thank you world xxxx  

 
 Visit mother heart for more motherhood thoughts!

Motherhood

1st time Gallery Participant

My first time posting for The Gallery  Little E at The Adventure Playground when she still had her adorable chubby cheeks! Totally random shot snapped at the park on a lovely afternoon as the sun was sinking. Love it. Good times!

1st time Gallery Participant

one hour

I have an hour. A blessed hour on a Thursday between dropping kids off, slugging back a wee coffee with hubby and stating work. That is one sacred hour of no kids - just me in the hoose by myself. Oh blessed peace. I actually find myself giddy with excitement. What will I do first? So much to fit in, in that holy time. Thats the trouble, I usually find myself dreaming of all the lovely things I could do that before you know it, its 10:50 and time to go help hubby at work.......

one hour

Ba humbug in Oz

Its Christmas time but its summer time here in Australia. Quite frankly it's just plain wrong. Here's what I miss about our lovely Scottish Christmas:

Christmas shopping when its cold. The air is crisp, daylight is dim, hundreds of multi-coloured scarfs zoom by but the cold grey light only highlights the twinkling Christmas lights that saturate the streets and shops. Buchanan St and Princes Square, Glasgow never look so lush and loved than at Christmas.  Rosey fresh faces puffing liitle clouds of breath as they dash about looking for gifts to cheer up their loved ones in the middle of a cold bleak Scottish winter. A manic atmosphere that is infectious. Its just more of a thing, a big hulabaloo than out here in hot country NSW where twinkly lights just don't have the same effect.

The cold December party nights, dressed in inappropriate non-seasonal clothing and filled with silly silly dancing and a good few 'swallies.' When its cold outside, it makes so much more sense to down a few too many and dance the night away or stuff your belly full of rich food and put the world to rights.

Wrapping pressies on a cold snowy afternoon by the fire with a Chrissie film on the telly, the 1946 classic 'Its a Wonderful Life.'

Ice skating on St Georges Square, Glasgow under 'the lights'. 
 
A wee wee bit of gorgeous shortbread with your coffee after all those big meals - you know you shouldn't but hell its Christmas.

But of course the real reason that an Aussie Christmas will never quite hit the mark is the absence of so many loved ones; my mum and dad whom I've not seen for nearly 2 years now, my four bothers and 2 sisters and of course the real spirit of Christmas, those 11 nieces and nephews who are growing up way too fast far from my eyes.

Still, all is not lost, I get to spend a hot Christmas, being fed like a Queen by the in-laws and enjoy seeing their faces as they spend those precious days with our little ins. Oh and then we get to go our summer holidays - weird but yay!

Ba humbug in Oz

Chicken's Play

I was watching the girls today, Big M who is four and Little E who is 2 playing with our new additions to the family - three bewildered chickens. The girls are completely engrossed and find these plucky strange animals utterly entertaining. I in turn find myself enjoying watching the shenanigans and interactions between the girls and their chickens. As I stand in our back garden, I am dead set certain that for me, this is what life is all about. Kids and chickens! In the house are mounting piles of plastic toys for engaging children; ‘improving their co-ordination,' is that hand to eye or brain to foot - I have no freakin idea! I do know, however, that most of it (if not all of it) is completely unnecessary. The best things in life are indeed for free, love, friendship, family...The light breeze is blowing little E's long straight hair in her face, accentuating her 'wild at heart' look that she suits so well. The fresh wind only serves to increase their energy for chasing the chickens around the coup. Both girls are trying to mother the animals by picking the grain up and offering it to them. They chat away to them like equals. ‘Come on chickens, eat your breakfast.’ Simple times, simple moments, simply the best!

Chicken's Play

PMT - pretty miserable thanks

'PMT' - we've all heard the jokes, BUT if you are a sufferer it is no joke my friend. Personally, I've not been inclined to much of the old PMT stuff until recently...... All part of climbing the ladder that is thirty something..... Anyways, after threats to husband of 'I think I am actually going crazy' to which his response was to take the next day off work (he's a good 'in indeed) and sobbing apologies to my four year old for 'mum shouting like a crazy woman,' I am now in the process of some highly scientific trials. Over the next few months I will be trying out a variety of supplements, herbal stuff, and improving a sometimes embarrassingly high sugar loaded diet. I may may maybe, we shall see, fit in a bit more exercise too - eek. This month I shall be the Vitamin B6 and Evening Primrose Oil guinea pig. I've also swapped my last cuppa of the day to chamomile tea - a slightly pathetic gesture in view of the fact that I am a total caffeine head the rest of the day. Oh and if my beautiful darling 2 1/2 year old would care to have a normal sleeping routine, we may actually find a complete cure. 

PMT - pretty miserable thanks

Allergic to clutter

I hate clutter. It makes me irritable (even more than usual!) Unfortunately in our buy more, have more, want more culture, kids=clutter! Constantly picking up crap is soooooo not fun. I love space, room to think clearly and a kind of order. In fact, I am increasingly enjoying outdoors as it is generally free from reminders of things to clean up!!!!!!!!!!! Having some nice things can be, well, nice but generally having lots of stuff is just plain tiresome. I'm not quite ready to wander the desert as a Buddhist monk searching for Nirvana yet but I do feel less crap is the order of the day! October is buy nothing new month organised by the Salvos store. I'm so giving that a go.

Allergic to clutter

M is for mindgames

One of my (many) guilty secrets as a mum is our expeditions to our local fast food giant. However, I can say in my defence that it doesn't happen that often as on principle I CANT STAND THEM. Annoyingly though it serves us well for ridiculously cheap ice cream and acceptable coffee and of course the free play area. This obviously equals a relatively easy venture out the house for mum + 2 under 5's. I'm not here to sing the praises of thus hideous food chain though, I actually want to explain my utter bewilderment at the power of these monsters on our little people. My kids usually watch kiddie films or the kiddie channel which has no adverts. Exposure to said nasty little adverts is therefore, I hope, fairly limited. 

So.......why on earth does that great big yellow letter in the sky lead to outbursts of mass hysteria, extreme excitement and ridiculously happy children? The power of branding my friend is scary indeed. Let me explain further, a lesser known local cafe that we also frequent which also has kiddie appropriate consumables and an equally impressive play area is met with smiles but in a much more subdued, much less frenetic, obsessive manner. I don't understand it people but I do feel a healthy level of caution and scepticism is the order of the day along with the cheap ice-cream and not too bad coffee.

M is for mindgames

Questions

Can I go on T.V with the Kangaroos? - No
Can I go into space? - Not at the moment
Does poo come from food? - yes

In the last hour these are just a short sample of the left of left field in left town questions, I have been presented with. Everyone knows about the terrible twos but much less is said about the 'forever asking questions fours.' On some days, I would say they could drive you just as batty especially if you happen to be the only human encyclopedia around. Oh, and if you don't know the answer, you'd better just make one up because non answering is not acceptable and will lead to a regression back into the terrible two tantrum like stage. Oh yeah. FUN AND GAMES. I'm off to study for my four year old exam tomorrow. bye.

Questions